Tree Music

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

Expecting or planning a baby? Be prepared for your life to turn upside down with his or her or their (!) arrival. One of the things that are sure to change is your vocabulary.

DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate
the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Walking through the woods, a man comes upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against it. He asks, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?"

"I’m listening to the music of this tree."

"You’ve gotta be kidding."

"No, not at all! Would you like to give it a try?"

"Well, this is really stupid, but..., okay .." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against it. The other man immediately slaps a set of handcuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewellery and car keys, then strips him naked and leaves.

Two hours later, another nature lover strolls by, sees this man handcuffed to the tree naked and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. While he was regaling his plight, the newcomer is shaking his head in sympathy, circling him. When the handcuffed man is finished talking, the second man walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says: "This just isn’t your day, is it, Sugar!"

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